I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
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Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
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I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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