My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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