so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
