Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
