ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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