Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
this hospital has no fireball
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
