Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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