seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
