i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
