tonight lets celebrate not being married
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
