But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
