Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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