Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
