i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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