Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
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