At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
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