I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
