Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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