At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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