whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
