I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
