Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
