So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Randomize
