turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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