ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
