I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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