yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
