I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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