I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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