yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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