It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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