Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
