I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
