DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
