Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
