Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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