I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
