well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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