Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
