i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
