so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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