New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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