I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
