My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
NoShamevember. You game?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
