I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
