Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize