woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
