True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
