He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
