I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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