At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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