I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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