I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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