I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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