you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
