So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
