I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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