My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
