I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
i need some magic done to my vagina
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
