dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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