I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
