Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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