I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
