in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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