I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
