it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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