Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Randomize
