Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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