Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
