Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
tonight lets celebrate not being married
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize