so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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