Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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