she smelled like a LAN party
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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