"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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