At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
